Queer Theory and the 2009 film “I Love You, Man”
This is a paper I wrote for one of my Media Studies classes in 2018. I thought it was good enough to post here.
The word “queer” doesn’t just refer to a person’s gender identity and/or sexual orientation. It can also refer to anything outside the norm of how we generally perceive gender and sexuality. Also, in the study of film, “Queer Theory” refers to analyzing the undertones in movies that seem to be telling a queer narrative or using expressions of queer identity. These undertones and their meanings are referred to as “queer coding”. As the film critic Lindsay Ellis put it, “Like Feminist Film Theory, the ultimate point [of Queer Theory] is to de-center the assumed default perspective of culture makers. In this case, straight people, specifically straight, cis, white men, as the sole arbiters of culture.” Or as the University of North Carolina researcher Michael DeAngelis put it, “Queer theory argues that there is beauty, power and truth, even magic, where dominant culture and its authorized language posit only ugliness, impotence and falsehood.” In other words, if you “queer” media, it can be empowering to marginalized groups even if that wasn’t the explicit intention of the filmmakers.
An example of queer coding would be how the mutation in the X-Men movies can be interpreted as a metaphor for being queer. And the bigotry the mutants experience can be interpreted as a metaphor for homophobia and transphobia. And many Disney movie villains exhibit exuberant qualities that are stereotypical of how many queer people behave. Examples of this are Scar from the Lion King, Ursula in the Little Mermaid and Governor Ratcliffe in Pocahontas. In fact, Ursula’s design was actually based on a drag queen named Divine. These Disney villains behave in an exuberant manner often associated with homosexuality, and homosexuality is traditionally viewed as a threat to the moral order. To view these movies from a queer lens and analyze these queer undertones is to “queer” the movie. In this case, the word “queer” is a verb and not a noun.
Buddy cop movies and buddy comedies can also be viewed through a queer lens. The male friendships in films such as Superbad and Pineapple Express can be very close and break the traditional rules of male-male intimacy. This observation lead to the creation of the term “bromance”. In 2009, John Hamburg co-wrote and directed a movie titled “I Love You, Man” starring Paul Rudd, Rashida Jones and Jason Segel. While there have been “bromances” in movies before, “I Love You, Man” sets out to not only be a movie with a bromance but the definitive bromance film. You come for the bromance, you stay for the bromance and you leave the theater using the word “bromance” as the first way to describe the film.
“I Love You, Man” is about a man named Peter who asks his girlfriend Zooey to marry him. She immediately tells all her female friends about the engagement. But Peter has no male friends to tell about the engagement. He admits he’s always been a “girlfriend guy” as he puts it. Since he was an adolescent boy, he’s gone from relationship to relationship, focusing all of his energy on his girlfriends and never forming any lasting bond with other men. But now he needs a best man for his wedding and he’s realizing he doesn’t really know who that should be. As Peter stated, “I need to get some fucking friends.”
Peter uses “Friend Finder” to find guys to hang out with on “man dates”. The movie intentionally frames it as if he was online dating even if he’s just trying to find a heterosexual male companion. Peter’s gay brother Robbie also gives Peter tips on how to meet guys. He advises Peter not to go out to dinner or see a movie with any of the men he is meeting. He advises to only have lunch with them or get beers with them. However, he breaks this advice and does go out to dinner with a guy named Doug who his mom “set him up with”. After dinner, this man puts his tongue in Peter’s mouth to kiss him because he mistook the night for a date. “I Love You, Man” doesn’t frame the scene in a way where the audience is supposed to cheaply laugh at the expense of gay men or be grossed out at the act of two men kissing. It’s framed as a zany scene in a situation comedy where a misunderstanding took place and you feel embarrassed for all parties involved. However, the film is certainly expecting audiences to laugh at the countless comparisons between homosexuality and the bonding between two heterosexual men.
The entirety of “I Love You, Man” follows many of the same familiar beats that we’ve seen in romantic comedies. However, instead of it being about a heterosexual relationship, it’s about two heterosexual men and their friendship. After many attempts at meeting men to be his friend and hopefully the best man at his wedding, Peter is ready to call it quits. But when he least expects it, he meets Sydney. He meets him at a time when he wasn’t even trying. Peter is hosting an open house for home that the famous actor Lou Forrigno is selling. Syndey came to the open house just for the free food. They connect with each other at the event and bond over speculating about other people at the event.
After people watching, Peter and Sydney exchange business cards. Peter is nervous to call him to get drinks. Peter proclaims, “I can’t just call him”. His gay brother Robbie asks, “What are you freaking out about? You went out with those other guys” and “why are you being such a chickenshit?”. After listening to Peter’s response, Robbie then answers his own question by saying “It’s because you really like him.” Not to state the obvious but this whole scene is meant to be like when a man is nervous about calling a woman he finds attractive. However, the movie “I Love You, Man” has queered this scenario and made it about a man who is too afraid to call another man to essentially ask him out. After Peter and Sydney get drinks, get to know each other and bond, Peter’s girlfriend jokes that “Peter’s got a boyfriend.” As previously stated, other “bromances” in films have just had queer undertones. In “I Love You, Man,” the parallel between heterosexual male friendships and homosexuality is explicitly stated in the text. Pointing out the similarities between these two things is arguably the entire point of the movie.
As previously stated, the entire film follows the same formula as many romantic comedies. After Peter is about to give up on his search for male friendship, Peter and Sydney meet unexpectedly in a humorous “cute meet”. They both have different values but share a bond with each other. Peter is more traditional, works a 9 to 5 job and wants a house in the suburbs with 2.5 kids. Sydney is more laid back, works as little as possible, has an exquisite “man cave” and has no interest in settling down. There is an intimate scene where Peter takes Sydney to what’s essentially a secluded, romantic location and teaches him how to scream and let out his inner anguish. Despite learning from each other, throughout the film, Peter and Sydney’s values clash. Peter calls off his friendship with Sydney. Peter describes the event as “I ended things with Sydney” which is the same language many people use for ending a romantic relationship. But in the end, Sydney earns Peter back as best man at the wedding. They pronounce their love for each other by saying the title of the movie, “I love you, man.” The wedding commences, and the credits roll. Beat by beat, all these events are the same story-telling devices that audiences have seen many times in romantic comedies: Boy meets the girl, the boy messes up, but the boy gets the girl in the end.
If examining “I Love You, Man” through a queer lens, it’s certainly worth examining how the actual LGBT characters in the film are depicted. Peter’s brother, Robbie, played by Andy Sandberg, is more stereotypically masculine than Peter. He speaks and behaves in a manner that is like how one may expect a frat boy to speak and behave. Peter is closer to his mother than Robbie and Robbie is closer to his father than Peter. The difference between heterosexual Peter and homosexual Robbie is an intentional reversal of what is expected of a gay man and a straight man. Peter being a more effeminate man also feeds into the narrative that he’s made many connections with women throughout his lifetime but before meeting Sydney, he never had a close male friend.
The other LGBT character Doug, the man who mistook having dinner with Peter as a date, is arguably more feminine than Peter or Robbie. In the final scene, both Robbie and Doug are groomsmen at Peter’s wedding. There’s a joke about how Doug thinks the British romantic comedy film “Chocolat” is a great movie, but Robbie has never even heard of it. The implication is that gay men are likely to be a fan of “Chocolat” but only one of these two gay men has even heard of it before.
Any movie can be queered if you examine the movie’s undertones closely enough. However, bromance films don’t always have to be examined too closely to observe their queer undertones. Movies such as “I Love You, Man” and “Superbad” depict male friendships that subvert the traditional rules of how men are supposed to relate to each other. While these male friends aren’t LGBT, there is still queer coding in the text. Hopefully we can look to a future where close male bonding is viewed as the norm. And perhaps if we achieve this future, the humor in a bromance film will no longer be inherently present. But until then, audiences will continue to laugh at and enjoy the comparison between a romantic relationship and platonic friendship between two men.
